CRYSTAL METH

CRYSTAL METH

Hi everyone, this post will tell the effects of meth and its toll it took on my mind, family and friends please bare with me this post could be very long. Well it has been years since I ve done any meth or to speak of the monster. I m 35 now and it just hit me today how meth effected my mind when my 9 year old brought home a school project and it is a time line of her life to date. Well for most of the normal world this would be very easy, but for me not so easy, I tried to think of when she first walked or even yet what her first word was and all I do is draw a blank. Yes this is very sad to me, it should be easy, it has not been that long, it should be like yesterday, well maybe for some, but when the mind is wacked out on this little lady (CRYSTAL METH) the days or memories are just a blur, and it does hurt to think what the hell was i thinking I missed a big part of there life and I know first hand how it feels not to have a parent in your life or one that cares anyway, I had a parent not care about me, actually two of them, but god had another plan and gave me a great mother that has stood beside me the the good and the very very ugly, so yes I give him thanks for that. But in trying to remember the past of my children's life there is an empty space and now it is very very real how the effects of this pretty little lady had on my mind. I could go on and on about this , but the real story lies in the effects it is still having years after. I could lie and say it didn't hurt me, my family, and my friends but then I would not be any better than I was back then, so I have to tell the truth and admit that it was all wrong.

I can see now what there life was like and how hard it was on them. This drug is a silent killer everything seems fine until you come down, as you look in the mirror and see your sunk in jaws and them eyes, as if there is no pupil, veins are all sunk into your skin as there is no blood in them, stomach sunk in as if you haven't ate in a few weeks, and your mind, your thoughts blend together as life just blows by as one big blur, you crave, you want, you will get more to feed the beast that grows within, to myself, I look fine, feel fine, but I know the beast wants more. Your world suddenly stops and the search begins. Weather the search is for another fix, or another ounce, the beast will get what it wants at all cost, no matter the cost, you will feed the beast that feeds on this fuel. I at all cost did what I had to do to get the next fix, just to make it through the day. Mean while my kids were put on the back burner to cook in there own little world, while there parents went on there date with CRYSTAL METH, while on this date the parents sold there souls to her, little did they know she was the devil and she was here to control their lives and their world. Meanwhile their family and friends wonder who they are, where have they went, why are they like that, what did I do wrong, are we bad Friends and family, no that is the picture the devil paints as it runs wide open through their lives, The shit makes you lie, cheat, steal, do shit that a normal person wound think two or three times about doing, but to the lost souls of CRYSTAL METH it all seems like the right thing to do. It blinds us to the thing that are most important in are lives, the ones we love, ourselves, you name it she destroys it. To us the ones that sold our souls for her, we believe she is the way and most all of us follow her to the very end and I do mean the very end.

It is sad, very sad, but I wouldn't change a thing at all the hard times were hard, very hard, just not on me but on everyone I come in contact with. I wouldn't change a thing cause the times we had now make me the person I am today, I may be crazier than hell, or sometimes mean as hell but the thing that matters most to me now are my kids and family and I will at all cost protect them as I protected her back then. Some say I m stupid , some tell me to chill out, some say shut up their tired of here me, but I will not be, and should not be, the person I was, I will be the I am today and will stay this person, always on my guard, always quick to defend the ones I love the most. I may have caused a lot of pain and a lot of heart ache but to the ones I have caused the most pain, the ones who actually care for me and my family, I will be there for them when they need me, I will put the pain in the past, and I will be the loratab for that pain. The pain I cause today, tomorrow, next week will only be for the best, as to say the pain to take away a pain. I will cause no harm to the ones I love, I will not let them suffer for no one, and that includes the parents, I will at all cost never let these evil things of this world come between my children, my family and my dear friends.