right vs left

Ok I ve spent the past few day fighting with my mind. The right says go ahead piss me off, and the left says chill out take it easy, so I ve spent a lot of time fighting with myself. and not spending it like I should. In doing so I wear my mind completely out to the point I cant think straight. So I try to hide from the world to keep myself safe. Some call it antisocial I call it being safe. Why hide you ask, well at this point I m about to blow a gasket, anyone, body , thing, just plain o pisses me off, thats the right side. Now the left side is the side that trys to calm me and comfort me, tells me its ok and chill out,I wish both sides could just agree and stop fighting it really taks atoll on my mind and my body.

I know what I have to do (cause I get alot of execllent info from my freinds and followers)

the problem is having enough mind strength to do what I have to do, while trying to keep my sanity. This is the part that people dont understand about being bi-polar encluding the doctors they tell you what the books tell them and it is not the same. They call this hearing voices, I say how can it be voices when it comes from my head not my mouth, I dont know all I know is that it wearing me out and they tried everything, and nothing works. I ve told them look I know what works, how do I know this, I ve self medicaded my self for months cause they dont know what the hell is going on, and no not with drugs, but with the drugs they make.

As far as hard drugs so of them work beleive it or not, there just not very healthy, the ones that help are meth and pot, yeah yeah I know what the hell, but they work no I dont do them, But I used to, ok back to my mind. This is hard shit and I wish people could walk awile in my shoes, see if they could handle it. I know I m strong, I just dont know how strong I have to be to make it. TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FOLLOWERS THANK YOU FOR ALL THE POSITIVE FEED BACK AND HELPFUL COMMENTS.

THANK YOU ALL

GOOD DAY FROM DIRTS MIND