Saturday, September 19, 2009

Thursday, September 17, 2009

SOCIETY

Well Ill start with how much does society play role in are mental well being, I think it plays a big role in are life, your mind has to deal with many things during a days time, from rude


person at the store or the smart ass walking by. With every snicker and every laugh there is


an action in the brain that sends it spinning through thoughts and wondering about what there saying about you. then it starts to take a toll on your self esteem as you lose this you stop


taking care of your self, then your scared to even go out side as the mind slips deeper and deeper into depression the mind loses sight of how beautiful it is.




As this progresses you start to become a loner and stop going around friends afraid of what they really think of you when I leave are they going to talk about me, so you hide your self only to go out to get the food you need to live. At this point the mind feels hopeless and may be even


suicidal at this point it tried everything it can to find an excuse not to do it, during this time one respectful person may save your life just by being nice and complementing on something

about you no matter what it is that could save the mind and get on the road to recovery to its ole self again. I beleive sometimes mental abuse is some times worse physical abuse , why is that physical will go away and mental will never go away and society is just like that some times

and it is hard to handle sometimes but each time you beat it , you get stronger and before you know it you hve become one of them who caused your pain once you realize what you have done it just starts the process all over again, and each time you learn a little more so it becomes easier to beat society at its on game .




good day dirt

Saturday, September 12, 2009

BLURRY




Ok, as you go through life sometimes things go so fast that it take everything you got to remember all day to day actions and functions of your life. My problem is I find


myself searching for medicine to slow life down so I can process all the thoughts and happenings of the days. Its hard to write when I m happy cause the mind dont want to relive the past


or the future just in the day it is in. The days past have been good and theyve been real bad. My


mind has been in protect mode, beating it self up for things it feels it has done wrong in the past, it tries to not do as it has been done, and in trying to do so it runs uncontrollable through


life. Days become one so do months and as it tries to process good thoughts from the bad the mind set becomes very very fragile. One stressor of the day sets it off in to a blurry rage


of emotions and it cant process all the thoughts so what happens, it breaks down and does everything without a thought it goes on instinct and lashes out as it has been lashed out against.




Friday, September 4, 2009

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

right vs left



Ok I ve spent the past few day fighting with my mind. The right says go ahead piss me off, and the left says chill out take it easy, so I ve spent a lot of time fighting with myself. and not spending it like I should. In doing so I wear my mind completely out to the point I cant think straight. So I try to hide from the world to keep myself safe. Some call it antisocial I call it being safe. Why hide you ask, well at this point I m about to blow a gasket, anyone, body , thing, just plain o pisses me off, thats the right side. Now the left side is the side that trys to calm me and comfort me, tells me its ok and chill out,I wish both sides could just agree and stop fighting it really taks atoll on my mind and my body.


I know what I have to do (cause I get alot of execllent info from my freinds and followers)


the problem is having enough mind strength to do what I have to do, while trying to keep my sanity. This is the part that people dont understand about being bi-polar encluding the doctors they tell you what the books tell them and it is not the same. They call this hearing voices, I say how can it be voices when it comes from my head not my mouth, I dont know all I know is that it wearing me out and they tried everything, and nothing works. I ve told them look I know what works, how do I know this, I ve self medicaded my self for months cause they dont know what the hell is going on, and no not with drugs, but with the drugs they make.


As far as hard drugs so of them work beleive it or not, there just not very healthy, the ones that help are meth and pot, yeah yeah I know what the hell, but they work no I dont do them, But I used to, ok back to my mind. This is hard shit and I wish people could walk awile in my shoes, see if they could handle it. I know I m strong, I just dont know how strong I have to be to make it. TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FOLLOWERS THANK YOU FOR ALL THE POSITIVE FEED BACK AND HELPFUL COMMENTS.


THANK YOU ALL


GOOD DAY FROM DIRTS MIND