MY MIND TODAY 11/30/09

THIS POST IS NOT INTENDED FOR MY FOLLOWERS WHO CARE.

Today is bad, the way I feel fuck all you mother fuckers who dont want to hear what i have to say, or what i care about. At least I not a spine less bastard who is scared of the goverment or anyone else. Censor me i dont care, i will still be heard weather or not you care or not, if you dont care fuck off and find somewhere else to live, CLEAR MY SITES , MY BLOGS , AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU THINK ISNT TRUE. I dont lie I tell the truth and if the truth hurts to fuckin bad, deal with it. I will not lay down and be run over again and again by all you spine less mother fuckers of this world. You dumb ass mother fuckers with all your money and power take this BLOG and shove it up your fucking ass, your the reason I m writing this blog cause you dumb asses think you are all that and more. All you goverment people encluding OBAMA eat me, you motherfuckers give yourself raises when ever you want and then dont give it to the ones who need it. In stead you are more concerned about a fucking war you can not win and will not. YOU STUPID BASTARDS CANT EVEN TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN COUNTRY OR ITS PEOPLE SO HOW THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF SOME ONE ELSES COUNRTY. YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS GROW UP DO WHAT WE PUT YOU THERE FOR TO TAKE CARE OF ARE WELL BEING NOT SOME OTHER COUNTRIES. LOOK STUPIDS JUST LOOK AT ARE FUCKIN WORLD HERE IN THE UNITED STATES IS IT ACTUALLY ANY BETTER THAN AFRICA, RUSSIA , CHINA, AND IF SO MOTHER FUCKERS HOW IS IT BETTER. TELL ME I DYING TO KNOW ALL YOU HIGH PAYED DUMB ASS I HAVE A FUCKIN "G.E.D." AND I M SMARTER THAN YOU DUMB ASS PEOPLE. oh what is the use all people just blow right by and dont give a fuck about what is happening here in the "u.s.a." what ever the fuck that means. for all you non followers who dont have a fucking clue what me and 20 million others are fucking talkin about just keep living your life the way your masters want you to, oh yeah while your at it bend over so they can FUCK YOU IN YOUR ASS LIKE THEY DO EVERY FUCKIN DAY OF YOUR SPINE LESS, NO CARE, SCARED WORLD. yes that right I m a mad mother fucker to day and I m holding nothing back tired of being told quit bitchin shut up get a life, well cry me a fuckin river, some boby has to do it you stupid mother fuckers of this world sure arent going to go against your masters"SCARED LITTLE BITCHES". better yet wont you come shut me up if your not scared your to scared to say anything to your masters so lets see if you will try. yes google go head take this blog take everything I have just like your own masters want you to hide the truth, lie for them just like they want. I dont care you wont silence me or the others who hold the actuall truth and not all these fuckin lie you hear on the fuckin so called news.

Yeah the news when is it ever the fuckin truth , some one please tell me, if I m a person who voilates the law then what the fuck are you and all the leaders of this world, when every fuckin word that come out of your mouth is a FUCKING LIE and when do they ever tell the truth. oh you fuckin cenoring bastards are just scared of the real truth and how bad it might hurt you and your fat ass fuckin wallet paded by all your fuckin lies.

SO FUCK ALL YOU SPINLESS BASTARDS OF THIS WORLD !!!!!

CRYSTAL METH

CRYSTAL METH

Hi everyone, this post will tell the effects of meth and its toll it took on my mind, family and friends please bare with me this post could be very long. Well it has been years since I ve done any meth or to speak of the monster. I m 35 now and it just hit me today how meth effected my mind when my 9 year old brought home a school project and it is a time line of her life to date. Well for most of the normal world this would be very easy, but for me not so easy, I tried to think of when she first walked or even yet what her first word was and all I do is draw a blank. Yes this is very sad to me, it should be easy, it has not been that long, it should be like yesterday, well maybe for some, but when the mind is wacked out on this little lady (CRYSTAL METH) the days or memories are just a blur, and it does hurt to think what the hell was i thinking I missed a big part of there life and I know first hand how it feels not to have a parent in your life or one that cares anyway, I had a parent not care about me, actually two of them, but god had another plan and gave me a great mother that has stood beside me the the good and the very very ugly, so yes I give him thanks for that. But in trying to remember the past of my children's life there is an empty space and now it is very very real how the effects of this pretty little lady had on my mind. I could go on and on about this , but the real story lies in the effects it is still having years after. I could lie and say it didn't hurt me, my family, and my friends but then I would not be any better than I was back then, so I have to tell the truth and admit that it was all wrong.

I can see now what there life was like and how hard it was on them. This drug is a silent killer everything seems fine until you come down, as you look in the mirror and see your sunk in jaws and them eyes, as if there is no pupil, veins are all sunk into your skin as there is no blood in them, stomach sunk in as if you haven't ate in a few weeks, and your mind, your thoughts blend together as life just blows by as one big blur, you crave, you want, you will get more to feed the beast that grows within, to myself, I look fine, feel fine, but I know the beast wants more. Your world suddenly stops and the search begins. Weather the search is for another fix, or another ounce, the beast will get what it wants at all cost, no matter the cost, you will feed the beast that feeds on this fuel. I at all cost did what I had to do to get the next fix, just to make it through the day. Mean while my kids were put on the back burner to cook in there own little world, while there parents went on there date with CRYSTAL METH, while on this date the parents sold there souls to her, little did they know she was the devil and she was here to control their lives and their world. Meanwhile their family and friends wonder who they are, where have they went, why are they like that, what did I do wrong, are we bad Friends and family, no that is the picture the devil paints as it runs wide open through their lives, The shit makes you lie, cheat, steal, do shit that a normal person wound think two or three times about doing, but to the lost souls of CRYSTAL METH it all seems like the right thing to do. It blinds us to the thing that are most important in are lives, the ones we love, ourselves, you name it she destroys it. To us the ones that sold our souls for her, we believe she is the way and most all of us follow her to the very end and I do mean the very end.

It is sad, very sad, but I wouldn't change a thing at all the hard times were hard, very hard, just not on me but on everyone I come in contact with. I wouldn't change a thing cause the times we had now make me the person I am today, I may be crazier than hell, or sometimes mean as hell but the thing that matters most to me now are my kids and family and I will at all cost protect them as I protected her back then. Some say I m stupid , some tell me to chill out, some say shut up their tired of here me, but I will not be, and should not be, the person I was, I will be the I am today and will stay this person, always on my guard, always quick to defend the ones I love the most. I may have caused a lot of pain and a lot of heart ache but to the ones I have caused the most pain, the ones who actually care for me and my family, I will be there for them when they need me, I will put the pain in the past, and I will be the loratab for that pain. The pain I cause today, tomorrow, next week will only be for the best, as to say the pain to take away a pain. I will cause no harm to the ones I love, I will not let them suffer for no one, and that includes the parents, I will at all cost never let these evil things of this world come between my children, my family and my dear friends.

HAPPY MIND

HEY EVERYONE , sorry been gone for so long but been going through a lot of stuff, I ve been to court court ,we have moved, and we are tring to settle in with all of us. Well we won in court, so all of our minds are very high, full of joy, full of excitement, my mind is very joyous I found people in this world who actually care about are kids and want to help them enjoy there life as kids, Yes my mind played hell for months and months people played hell they heard the thoughts that came with the hell, all didnt want to hear but my mind made them listen( WHAT A WOUNDERFUL THING THE MIND IS !) the ones that heard acted the ones that dont hear did nothing so I send praise to what whats is known as the( light house counseling program ) I wont say any names, but this place is awesome and they do care what is best for our kids beautiful minds and the growth of it. What a blessing they are to there minds and to the familys minds and there mind set, I can honestly say that I give these people my total respect and all that know my mind know that that is something special to do that but I have to give credit where credit is do and the minds says they have unlimted credit, so hats off to the wonderful program they run, and the wonderful people that work there!!

When the mind is happy it is like the best drug in the world, you smile, you laugh, you have a shine like a new star in the universe, and the mind lays joyously in the clouds, for all who know this feeling grasp it and know this is life at its best and it gets no better then this to see your family truly happy as they move about life. But keep in mind the hell you went through to get this shine, and keep in mind it is like the shine on a new car it has to be polished often to keep the scratches out of it and the harder you work to get out the scratches the harder it takes a toll on your mind, but the recovery of getting the scratches out is far better than getting them.

So to all that are freinds and followers thanks cause I didnt do this on my own, It is just my mind and body that felt the oh so deep scratches life put in me but true freinds and followers help get me through it,OOPS, I have to enclude my wonderful family for standing by and letting my beautiful MIND do its thing.

TO ALL THAT SEES I LOVE MY FAMILY AND WILL AT ALL COST PROTECT THEM FROM THE MIND CONTROLERS OF THIS WORLD !!!!